Poetry by Heidi Brenneke-Nunes
Uterine & Breast Cancer Survivor
Chemotherapy
Have a seat is what they say
I don't know what to expect, especially today.
Extremely scared is what I feel
I just can't believe that this is real.
Into my chest a needle is stuck
We've never had this trouble before, we'll have another nurse try her luck.
Mom is upset and starts to cry……
Watching the pain I experience, both of us wondering why!
I try to be brave and smile for everyone
But the fear inside just makes me want to run.
Hooked up to the I.V. the trip begins
Into the world of nausea and aches
Praying my body will itself mend.
The weeks will pass by and the months will come to an end,
But I've still a long way to go
To be myself once again.
Written after my first chemotherapy treatment, which was extremely grueling.
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Where Have I Gone
Who is that in the mirror, it can't be me?
The reflection in the mirror a stranger I see.
Gone is the hair that crowned my head.
All there now is a shine upon that head.
Where are the eyes that were once so blue?
Looking now like slits, please don't let it be true.
A face once pleasant,
Now bloated and sad.
The reflection in the mirror makes me mad.
Written Wednesday, September 10, 2003
The day my head was shaved after losing so much to chemo.
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My Surgeon
Into the room walked the doctor for me
A pretty petite blonde who put me right at ease.
A smile on her face as she took my hand
I'll take care of you, that you can depend.
Gentle hand onto my breast
This is the treatment that will work the best.
Surgery, Chemo and radiation you'll need.
Said this lovely doctor looking right at me.
August the first would be the day
The surgeon would try to take my cancer away.
As I lie there scared to death
Into the O.R. she walked with an air of confidence.
How are you doing she asked?
Her eyes smiling above her mask.
Later that day, after I awoke
She appeared, donned in her white coat.
I have good news is what she said
You lymph nodes were negative
I sighed from my bed.
I thank God for this surgeon every day
And her healing hands that passed my way.
For my surgeon, Dr. Jennifer Gass
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A Test of Inner Strength
How well do you know yourself?
Think about that……
Your life can change in an instant,
That's a known fact.
Courage and strength I did not know
Were deep down inside of me,
Who would have known?
How would I do this once again?
Face such a horror and smile for friends?
Prayers would comfort me in so many ways.
Pain and discomfort shadowing my days.
Words of encouragement from family and friends,
Would make this journey bearable until its end.
Now as I see the end is in sight
I still will wonder, each and every night……
Time will fade this horror I've faced.
But never will it diminish my inner strength.
Written February 9, 2004
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The Day Before Christmas
Twas the day before Christmas
And there I lay
On a cold metal table
Sad, bald, lonely me.
Just lie there still and don't move an inch
The machine started humming, seemed this would be a cinch.
Christmas Carols were playing as treatment commenced
Why am I here? This just doesn't make sense.
A tear trickles down as I lay there just me..
And the sounds of a radiation beam which I hope is curing me.
Sounds of holiday happiness I hear on the other side of the door.
As I lie here alone, fighting this damned cancer war.
Christmas is a time for happiness and fun
I will walk out of this room and smile for everyone.
My first radiation treatment
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My Special Therapy
Cancer they said, had come around again
"Oh My God"
Will this nightmare never end?
Surgery and Chemo were the treatments I was told.
How will I ever do this again?
Who will hold my hand?
Into my room they came, to brighten up my day.
Two black Poodles and a Shepherd mix my Katie-Mae.
Upon my bed they sat, and couldn't care less,
Their beloved Mother was just such a mess.
Whenever tears were shed
Around me they would be
Just my furry friends and sad old me.
A lick upon my face, or a snuggle in my bed.
Not even caring I had no hair on my head.
The anger I would feel about this disease,
Would vanish in a moment,
When those furry friends I'd see.
Life these months has changed me permanently,
But those furry friends will always,
Love me unconditionally.
Written for my best pals in the world
Timothy O'Hara 12 years old
Katie Mae 11 years old
Gibrien Sullivan 2 years old
I don't know what I would have done without all those kisses and snuggles you gave me.
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What Now
What now I think, what do I do?
They tell me its done, treatment is through.
Am I cured I ask on the final day?
That's an answer we can't give you they say.
Back to my life they smile at me.
What kind of life I think, with no guarantees.
Sure I'll move along and live each day
But am I cancer free?
Still they can't say.
Loved ones smile now and say "Get on with Life"…
I hope they never have to experience this fright.
The sun will shine on a beautiful day,
But for me there'll always be a cancer haze.
What now I think?
Written after completion of 3 months of chemotherapy, 6 ½ weeks of radiation therapy and all the horror that goes along with it.
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My Far Away Friend
Never have we met, face to face,
A woman named Carl who would my heart embrace.
Meeting in a chat room you'd never know,
You were my guardian angel sent from God, yes it's so.
I have cancer is what I said,
"You'll make it through this, my American Friend."
Receiving an e-mail every single day,
You never missed a chance to brighten up my days.
"You can do this you are strong"
Even when I doubted my strength, you proved me wrong.
Tales of gardening and cooking you told
Making me laugh when my world was so cold.
God placed you here in my life you see
You are the very dearest of friends he made you
Just for me.
Written for my best friend, Carol Passmore, West Midlands, England
I couldn't have made it through this without you.
Love Heidi
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